Dots. Lines. Shapes. Forms. Images. Reality.

Dots. LInes. Shapes. Forms. Images. Reality.

Dot.

Arrive at Land. First person I meet there is Keshav.

Within the first five minutes of arrival at Land being told by Govind, "Ohh, you're one of us!"

I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long time. I actually sleep that night.

I meet Doc.


Line.

The Taj Hotel in Bombay. The catharsis that had been waiting for 24 years. And a walk that followed the catharsis..at dawn, in the rain with Doc and Keshav.

Land. Ishan's farewell.

Another catharsis follows the farewell. This one is more intense than the first one.

More dots...more lines...forming

Shapes.

Doc's first program trip to the US in December 2006.

Jan. 2007, From the highest high to lowest low. Night Terrors. Flashbacks. Panic Attacks. Tremors.
Attempted OD.

Forms.

Feb 2007. Bangkok trip. Therapy with Doc on another level. Coming clean.

Connecting back with Keshav after his farewell.


Doing the program at home. With suport that was stronger and more dependable than if I had been on Land. A life that is not beautiful is no longer an option.

I want to experientially know happiness.

Images.

Ups. Downs. And the in-betweens. Feeling like maybe I could do it. Then feeling like I absolutely couldn't.

Returning to the basics again and again. "Fuck the feeling, do the right thing...Thought, feeling, urge, action...reverse it and eventually it'll feel good!" And if it doesn't, I'll just find Keshav and kill him!

Doing the right thing feels right. I don't quite know when it happened. But it feels natural. I'm not just doing it, I'm feeling it. Experienc vs. Concept. I experience it. Keshav's constant voice in my head stops. Or it pauses anyway.

May 2007. Sugrish is hospitalized. Neha leaves for India. And Intention theory kicks in automatically. I see the vision, I feel the vibe.

Doc returns. He tells me during the trip that I just got my farewell.

Reality.

Late July/Early August, 2007. Brutal week.
I want to give up. I'm tired. I'm not strong enough.
I'm told that I can't give up. That this day is just a dot. I listen. I don't completely understand or believe. But I completely trust. So I keep going.

August 2007. Ishan tells me about his slip. I don't slip. I don't fall. I hurt like hell, but I hold on. I hear Doc's voice in my head now. "Comfort others and you'll find more happiness than you can dream of".

I turn my focus outwards. Neha and I reach an amazing level of closeness.

I am gradually beginning to understand what was said to me weeks prior to this. About the dots....
I am able to focus in on what has been there all along, what I was too close to see....

Each dot is essential to this picture. Essential to my reality. Each dot is my marker on my journey. And as I continue on, I get a clearer view into and of my life.

It's like a painting by Monet. Get too close and it's messy, smudged, the colors don't work together, you have to strain to figure out what the artist was trying to create... it's just not easy on the eye.

Step away. Allow space and time for perspective. And get ready to have your breath taken away....the dots are in alignment. The colors are absolutely perfect. The chaos becomes the order.

I'm brought to tears by the beauty of this masterpiece.

I'm looking at it right now. My life.